I think that there's so much expectation for a girl to 'want to be' or 'be in' a relationship. Practically all my friends are in relationships. Yes, that's cool - you've got a boyfriend who will buy you pizza and text you everyday. But, I don't want that kind of attention (or calories). When you're in a relationship you're thinking about a whole extra person. Jeez, I'm struggling with me, myself and I right now. Please don't add to my stress.
I've had the chance to try-out the whole 'relationship' thing a few times and it's really not my cup of tea right now. Sure, that might change but for now, it's pretty set in stone. I feel like I want to focus on me. And really, what's so bad about that? I'm constantly being asked by friends and family who I'm 'speaking to' or who my 'boyfriend' is - with a smirk, I find joy in answering 'Teddy' (my beloved dog).
I want to put my attention on me. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy being free and young and not having to think about anyone else. I enjoy investing time in myself. I want to get to know myself before I start adding extra facts about someone else. I think I've still got a lot to learn and I'm a work in progress - let me do my 'thang' and leave me be por favor.
There's also no denying that when you are in a relationship, your friends suffer. I love having girly nights in and while they're not necessarily put on a back-burner when you've got the 'boyfriend', they do suffer. Not to mention the time that I save by not texting someone all the time. Texting, Facetiming and phone calling eats up so much time in a day. Yeah, it's nice to talk, we get it, but seriously, I could've been watching a Disney film while eating myself into the ground.
I also love doing whatever I want and when I want. I like not having to rigidly plan my days around when I'm seeing one person. I like thinking about me, me, me. Self-obsessed? Sure - but I don't care, I'm single. Maybe I do want to take a trip to the Bahamas, but sure as heck I'll be doing it alone.
I don't think I ever really considered 'being single' as being a choice that I've made before, but it is. I don't want the hard work of maintaining a relationship with someone else at this point in my life. For the first time, I'm taking a year to breathe. A gap year is the perfect opportunity for me to focus on me. I want to fill my days with thoughts of myself. Who am I? What do I want? Well, I want to be single and that's what I am. I'm single and sooooo not ready to mingle.
Photos taken from my new lookbook, 'Winter Style'.