|If you're wondering what the relevance a daisy has to this post - it's because I associate my 'youth' with metres of daisy chains that I made on grassy banks. I know - cool story. I also took this photo, so mitts off! :)|
I was having a conversation the other day with my friend, Emily, soon after I'd written 'Four Honest Opinions'. We were talking about our 'gap years'. I started warbling on about the fact that I felt like my time was running out a little bit. I only had 'X' amount of months before I was galavanting off to university. I expressed my trivial concerns; I felt like I needed to spend the time I had left wisely. I also felt a little bit crazed with panic at the idea that I wouldn't have a 'fulfilling' enough gap year.
Emily brought up the fact that we are still young. We are only eighteen and we have plenty of time to fill our lives up with exciting things - so, why put all the pressure on this year? Sometimes, it takes someone to say one small thing to spark an 'epiphany' moment. That was my moment - Emily's words were my epiphany.
Yes. I am on a gap year. Cue an inordinate amount of unanswered questions on 'how I'm going to spend it' asked by every person I tell. I wrote a letter to my 'gap year' in my recent post. I found this therapeutic - it was good to let 'it' know how 'it' made me feel.
Turning eighteen is exciting. You are finally an 'adult'. The age welcomes you into the world of 'adulthood'. But, at eighteen years of age - we are still babies. What's the rush in growing up?
I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy my new-found 'adulthood'. It's made me more independent and made it less acceptable to cry 'Mummy' when things go wrong. All of these aspects I embrace. They are making me more of an individual. However, I am not OK with the expectations of those around me because of my 'adult-stamped' age.
Just because I'm eighteen (nearly nineteen), people think it's ok to ask where we are going with our lives. How will we get to that 'perfect' place. What are our goals? *um, can I just eat my pizza and focus on that moment, for now?* (yeah, I don't even eat pizza - I just thought it painted the picture of a 'casual' moment in the face of 'youth'.)
The truth is, I don't have a 'final destination' all planned out in life. I've been trying to work out how to spend my gap year, when really, I don't need to work out every second.
This whole internal conversation that I've been having with myself made me reminisce about my 'youth'. It then made me think about why I was 'reminiscing' when I was still living out my 'youth' years.
By definition, my youth is over - 'the period between childhood and adult age'. Well, shiver me timbers - that's me done, I'm an 'adult'. However, by observation - my youth is still very much in full swing - 'the state or quality of being young'. I'm still young. I have plenty of time to think about 'adulthood' and the responsibilities chained to it. I have no desire to think that my 'gap year' is my last year of youthful freedom and jaunts.
Us 'youths' put pressure on ourselves. We have to get it 'together' in order to feel like we aren't failing. We have to have a 'game plan'. But do we?
I don't mean that I'm spending my gap year sitting on my sofa, staring out at the life that 'I could've had' if I was out travelling. Oh no. I plan to be productive and fill my year with experiences I won't forget. I just simply mean, that it's ok to not have every moment planned.
All my life I've had a plan. For the majority of it - the plan was 'school' and it was planned for me. For the first time in my life, I have the reins. My age tells me I'm an adult - fine, maybe I accept this new title. But, I'm still chasing my youth because I have plenty of time left in it to spend.
nounnoun: youth, plural noun: youths
- 1.the period between childhood and adult age"he had been a keen sportsman in his youth"synonyms:antonyms:
- ▪the state or quality of being young, especially as associated with vigor, freshness, or immaturity"she imagined her youth and beauty fading"synonyms:antonyms:
- ▪an early stage in the development of something"this publishing sector is no longer in its youth"