Friday, 1 January 2016

Why You Can't Borrow My Clothes

Warning: The post contains enhanced opinions, brutal honesty with some light-hearted humour. Thanks for reading this warning, it is now over - enjoy :)


I don't like sharing. I'm sorry if this makes me mean, unkind or inhuman but my stuff is my stuff - mitts off. To be brutally honest, I don't like you even gawping at my things - I get somewhat territorial. Like a lioness around her cubs, my things (especially my clothes) are my babies. I don't like potential threats. I suppose I don't really know when all this started, but I'd like to get something straight - You can't borrow my clothes.

I am all for kindness. I consider it a wondrous quality that is so unique to find in a person. I almost shed a tear when someone smiles back at me - please be my friend, kind soul. I would like to think that I have a kind heart. But, nevertheless, you still can't borrow my clothes - here's why:-

1. To begin, I select my clothes with precision, like an animal hunting its pray. I will not share my successful hunt. It's a survival technique - what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours. If you like my clothes, I will accept the compliment. Thanks, that's so sweet. I will, however, deny the advances you make post compliment when you attempt to steal the clothing for your own. I chose that piece of material, I have bonded with it - please, do not barge in and try and steal the thunder.

2. Secondly, my clothes are a piece of me. Personally, I think it's a bit weird if you want to wear something that I've worn. Are you a 'wannabe'? Please don't steal my vibe. I have put thought into my clothes, please do not attempt to replicate my constructed image (even if it was borrowed from the ASOS site).

3. My clothes are chosen based on the mood I was feeling that day. You can't just stride into my wardrobe, uninvited and decide you want to destroy the mood aura I have created for my items.

4. Also, chances are you will ruin whatever you want to borrow anyway. I will notice any speck of fluff that you manage to contribute to the surface. Plus, it's gross that your body would be encased in my clothes. That's way too intimate - can we just take it slow? In addition, what if you really take it too far and decide to ketchup stain my white linens just to mark your 'territory'? Please, I'm not taking those chances.

5. What if you destroy the memories that my clothes and I have? You are a relationship threat. You could dominate their existence. You can't become their new 'mummy' - I just can't allow it.

6. I'd get jealous. What if you took my clothes to some exotic place? I want my clothes to have equal opportunities - I can't have you gallivanting off to the Bahamas leaving the rest behind!

7. I always need my clothes on 'stand by' in case of emergencies. I cannot cope with the separation anxiety that I experience when one of my children is away from the home. I'm too young for this - it's not what I signed up for.

8. I really can't take the risk that you'd look better than me in my clothes. It would result in complete melancholy on my behalf. I'd end up hauling my clothes off to charity because I can't deal with the image comparisons. When I look at my clothes I want them to remind me of me - not you - capiche?

9. My clothes might as well be made of 9K gold - they mean that much to me. Do you really want to be dealing with that level of responsibility?

10. Finally, you did not purchase them. I pay good money for my clothes. I skip meals so I can afford a new pair of white, sparkly socks. So don't splash in the muddy puddles - it's insulting and it cost me my dinner.

So, save your breath, I'm sorry but you simply cannot borrow my clothes. 

Toodle Pip! 



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6 comments

  1. omg I'm laughing so bad! You sound just like my sister, she's my twin and she used to keep her stuff away from me because she hated sharing (she shares now tho) It's the same with me but not clothes but with stationery, NOBODY CAN HAVE MY PEN BECAUSE IT'S MY PEN AND IT'S MY BABY!

    xo,
    Not Your Type Blog

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha!! Yes stationary is also precious, totally get wanting to keep that all for yourself!!

      x

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  2. I should probably just go ahead and forward this post right on to my older sister, she's always wanting to borrow my clothes and she can't understand why I don't want to let her!

    www.thesundaymode.blogspot.com.au

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    Replies
    1. Spread the word - it's about time people know why they need to keep their mitts off, haha! x

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  3. This really made me LOL! I am EXACTLY the same. Bitch no, you cannot steal my clothes!
    Bee | QueenBeady.com

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    Replies
    1. Hahah this comment made me laugh - maybe we should start a club, haha? xx

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